I Love a Cliché
I was reminded of a great cliché last week while taking a bite out of the Big Apple.
A favorite cliché of New York columnists, talk show hosts and the like — and a joke that everyone is in on — is the phrase “only in New York, folks.”
It’s a self-deprecating jab at the New Yorker’s sense that he/she and the city are the center of the entire world, if not the universe. The Onion, a popular newspaper satire, picked up on it within weeks of its office’s move to the city from the Midwest. “Woman watching squirrel run up tree with acorn in mouth shakes her head and thinks, `Only in New York, folks.’”
In Parkville, I’m oft-times asked by readers and friends about — if you can believe this — local news items. Typically, the exchange will go something like this:
“So, what is The Luminary going to write about this week, Senator?”
“Whatever it is that we want to write about! Gosh!”
I then tell people to “Vote for Pedro” and run out of the vicinity. You can imagine that for people who haven’t seen the movie “Napoleon Dynamite,” this would seem odd.
And after talking about local news, one person usually says “only in Parkville” after the conversation. But as City Manager Joe Turner reminded me the other day, actually, it’s not “only in Parkville.” The stuff we talk about, argue about, happens in a lot of other cities, too. We just don’t care as much about their issues.
But then, other cities don’t have as many interesting issues to talk about.
Last week, I learned the local news through a series of pre-deadline e-mail reports from Nancy Jack. (I also got a kooky tip on the horses that involved placing bets based on dog collars and Chinese cookies.) I read each e-mail with increasing incredulity.
First, a newly elected alderman who won by creating a firestorm over opposing cell towers in downtown Parkville voted for investigating the feasibility of bringing a cell tower to downtown Parkville in one of her very first votes in the service of her ward.
Then, the alderman candidate who lost the election by a handful of votes because of his implied support of said cell towers decided to promote a weekly motorcycle rally downtown.
Then, a local business whose product is a semi-pro baseball team, asked the city for exclusive rights to use a public asset - in this case, a baseball field. OK, that’s no surprise because supporters of this business and the business itself had a hand in the park’s creation. What is surprising, however, is the plan this local baseball business is proposing to the city in return.
After securing exclusive rights, this business proposes we build a cell tower at the field and in exchange for this honor and privilege; the city should pass up a monthly lease payment from the cell company for about 15 years. Why? Because the team wants to light the field.
A few weeks back, The Luminary reported that Parkville is in dire need of sidewalks and handicap accessibility. A few months back, we heard how the city couldn’t afford to keep the string lights of Main Street on. The city is struggling to figure out a way to pay for the little things - like, you know, ambulance service. But hey, let’s make sure the last half-hour of every semi-pro baseball game is well lit.
I’m wondering what Parkville voters — particularly the ones so concerned with their views of the magnificent river vista - make of all of this? I wonder if a phalanx of professional grade ball field lights attracting and summarily burning bugs at high-wattage (presumably at a cost to the city because the aforementioned baseball business doesn’t charge admission to watch their games) will ruin the view and quality of life?
For answers, and the opportunity to shake your head and think, “Only in Parkville, folks,” be sure to pick up the next issue of your Parkville Luminary.